The best way to respond to the kind words from a boss or coworker is to simply say “Thank you,” and if the compliment made a difference, let the person know. When someone is complimenting you, they are actually sharing how what you did impacted them. It does not matter if you agree or disagree with what they are saying, just relate to it as a gift and accept it. Although our reactions to compliments may be complicated, how we respond is not. Most people don’t realize compliments are often more about the giver than the receiver. Your boss or coworker catches you off guard with a compliment, and what should be a moment of pride instead sends your mind spinning as you awkwardly navigate how to respond. While it may seem counterintuitive, in order to get better at giving compliments we must first get better at receiving them. I have found there are methods of both giving and receiving a compliment that help cut through some of these barriers and make the experience more comfortable and trust-building. On the receiving end, people feel they don’t deserve it, question the giver’s intentions, or worry that they won’t be able to produce the same result in the future. Givers express worries of being seen as a kiss-up, having their compliment misinterpreted, or triggering jealousy in others. Some of my earliest research, published as “ What to Do When Praise Makes You Uncomfortable,” revealed that although the number one thing people associate with being recognized is feeling valued (88%), nearly 70% of people associated embarrassment or discomfort with the process of both giving and receiving.Īlthough compliments should be a positive experience - and most of the time they are - in my research, I have found the process of giving and receiving compliments often brings up a lot of anxiety for everyone involved. Yet, these seemingly positive interactions can be surprisingly tricky to navigate for both giver and receiver alike. When done well, a compliment is one of the most powerful ways to let someone know that we value and appreciate them. Whether you are a manager or an individual contributor, giving and receiving compliments plays a critical role in building and maintaining relationships at work.
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